Nigel Farage’s loose nuts

Posted by The Skibbereen Eagle | January 3, 2016 2

NigelVolvo
UKIP Leader Nigel Farage is full of it and so are some UK papers today. They lead with startling revelations that Nigel Farage’s life was in danger because his nuts were loose. This is something we have long suspected! The Evening Standard website and the UKIP friendly Daily Mail lead on “Attempted Assassination of Nigel Farage!”

Here is the panting porno prose in the absence of anything else to report about the policy free political failure which is UKIP:

“Nigel Farage has revealed he fears he was the victim of an assassination attempt after a terrifying ordeal on a French motorway.  The Ukip leader said police suspected sabotage after a wheel on his Volvo car fell off.  He claims nuts on all of the wheels of his V70 were found to be loose after the “frightening” crash on a road near Dunkirk.” 

For those who can bear the tension he goes on (yes he does):

Mr Farage told how he was forced to stop after losing control on the motorway, fleeing the car and darting over a barrier to avoid oncoming traffic. “It was in the middle of bloody nowhere, and I was caught in a very bad position. There was a huge section of roadworks with cars going back and forth on the same side of the carriageway. I suddenly realised I was losing steering but there was no hard shoulder to pull on to. I slowed down, put the hazards on and then one of the wheels came off. I jumped over the wall as quickly as I bloody well could to get away from lorries and everything.”

Turns out that this was last October outside Dunkirk and as he made no complaint to the French Police there was no investigation and therefore no conclusion. This however does not stop our hero Nigel quoting hearsay and the craven Daily Heil non-journalists quoting this non news from last October as fact: “The French police looked at it and said that sometimes nuts on one wheel can come a bit loose – but not on all four. The French police and mechanics looked at it but I have made no formal complaint. The mechanics were absolutely certain of (foul play) but I have decided to take no further action.”

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Biggles Farage

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The Daily Fail – A made up story with a made up graphic

Nigel-Farage-arrives-forHe told the Daily Mail he had received death threats in the past but, when asked who he thought might be responsible, said: “I haven’t got a clue. Quite frankly, the way my life’s been over the past two and a half years, nothing surprises me.”

In fact his car, a Volvo V70 was subject to a manufacturer’s recall because of a wheel nut defect. Being a total Numpty (like all Kippers) he probably wasn’t getting his car properly serviced? He made no report to the Police at the time (last October) so we have only his publicity seeking rantings to go by. Memo to Nigel – stop being a twit and get your car properly serviced by your local Volvo dealer, I am sure they have a well qualified Polish mechanic you can talk to. You should be able to afford it, after all, you claim very generous mileage from the European Parliament. Indeed since you were elected MEP in 1999 on top of over a million in salary you have claimed over two million in expenses for not representing Britain in Europe. Impressive even by wide boy standards. DVLA

Poor Nigel, desperately making it up to get some publicity. He is obviously taking the humiliation of his eight failed attempts to become an MP badly. We feel for him in his serial rejection but it seems our hero Nigel is not just a great aviator, he is also a great motorist!

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The Skibbereen Eagle

In 1898, to widespread bemusement, a small Provincial Newspaper in an equally small town in the South West corner of Ireland sonorously warned the Czar of Russia that it knew what he was up to and he should be careful how he proceeded for “The Skibbereen Eagle” was wise to his game and in future would be keeping its eye on him! It is doubtful that Nicholas II, Emperor and Autocrat of All the Russias, even noticed the Eagle’s admonitions but as history soon proved he should have paid closer attention to the Eagle’s insightful opinions!

Today, powered by its readers and contributors, from its cyber eyries in Ireland and the centres of the Irish Diaspora The Eagle casts its Cold Eye on Life and Death and much in between.
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