When Rick Santorum suspended his campaign for the Republican Presidential nomination on Tuesday, a few political pundits opined that Santorum never had a serious chance at winning the nomination anyway because he was too right wing. This is a politician so impressive that the voters of Pennsylvania rejected him in 2006 and he has been earning $ one million + a year ever since in that most respectable of professions, political lobbying.
But in the world of the Tea Party Rick Santorum was not too extreme for today’s Republicans. In a party that is at least 50% composed of Glenn Beck fans, gay-bashers, paranoid conspiracy theorists, Obama birth certificate fantasisers, antiabortion zealots, take-back-America culture warriors and get-religion-into-government theocrats, he is mainstream. Santorum has done Barack Obama a great favour by revealing even more about Romney’s weaknesses. It showed that the conservative reluctance to embrace the former Massachusetts governor was real, and that many on the right were willing to back any remotely plausible alternative.
Now Santorum has pulled out of the race we are so lucky that the Republican Party won’t have an unrealistic religious fundamentalist as its Presidential candidate. Instead we will have an asset stripping millionaire son of a millionaire with extensive foreign expertise from his missionary work in Paris and many trips to the Cayman Islands.
Nor is he a God botherer, once you believe God gave his words for your edification on “gold coloured” plates written in ancient Egyptian which were found buried in Wayne County, New York in 1827 which luckily the gifted Joseph Smith was able to translate before giving them back to his New Best Friend, Moroni. Let’s not also forget the book tells us JC visited America after his resurrection and said “howdy” to the red skinned guys who’ll turn white when they accept God’s teaching. Oh, and until 1978 Black men couldn’t become Mormon “priests” because they were descended from Cain and because of their unfortunate ancestry Mormon missionaries avoided black countries and don’t try to convert black people.
All sounds perfectly good and reasonable to me.
Now that dog loving Mitt is the GOP candidate we can concentrate on the Republican mainstream issues which will make America and its banker’s great again such as whether Barack Obama’s birth cert is definitely a forgery because there is no column on it for “owner.”
Roll on November 6th!