Ride me Sideways in Phibsborough

Posted by The Skibbereen Eagle | March 2, 2017 0

The locals of the Dublin neighbourhood of Phibsborough have made their voices heard with regards to the potential opening of an adult store in the area, named ‘Ride Me Sideways’.

This is a big change from the Phibsborough I knew where the two most exciting things were the raucous Saturday afternoon matinees at the Bohemian Cinema and Bombay Duck late at night in the Koh-i-Noor, always late at night! Now this area of Dublin’s Northside where the local football team is The Bohemians may finally develop a bohemian reputation! The proposed sex shop named Ride Me Sideways has been told to ‘feck off’ by furious locals after it emerged a branch may be opening in their neighbourhood. The vibrator sellers — described as “filth” by one woman — are eyeing up a premises located beside two crisis pregnancy clinics and a Catholic church on Berkeley Road in Phibsborough, Dublin. 

According to The Irish Sun, the store’s owners are reportedly checking out a building located on Berkeley Road, beside two crisis pregnancy clinics and a Catholic church. It’s also down the road from a primary school. The company’s name derives from that famous scene from ‘Father Ted’, where Mrs Doyle discusses the contents of a gritty novel.

The parents of the area are said to be livid.  A Phibsborough mother (sic) said:

“I have two young children that go to a local ­national school who will have to walk by what I can only call filth every day. It’s right beside a church. This cannot happen on our street. The people need to know what is ­happening and put a stop to this.”

However, nothing has yet been confirmed. Ride Me Sideways co-owner John Newman, who recently purchased the website said ”we are looking at a few places in Dublin, that is all” and “nothing is set in stone”.

Ride Me Sideways — which is currently just an online operation — jokingly describes itself as the destination “for toys an ass would be proud of”. It sells “very latest and best of adult sex toys for him, for her and for couples”. Their products include dildos, anal beads and other more X-rated items.

Not everybody is horrified by the prospect of the store opening, judging by some comments: “Imagine having a place that is so dangerous to young children in the same road as a school. The mental and physical harm to children places like that and the deranged perverts who frequent them can cause is enormous. So close down that church!  The sex shop is fine, sounds great fun.”

Graham Linehan who along with Arthur Matthews wrote the surreal scripts for Father Ted including Mrs. Doyle’s extempore analysis of “Dirty Books” in Ireland tweeted that he was *PROUD* , as well he should be. Fact is following fiction with Mrs. Doyle proving the truth of what one of our more gombeen Public Representatives, Oliver J. Flanagan, said in the Irish Parliament “there was no sex in Ireland until Television!”

All we need now when we enter (sic) Ride me Sideways is Mrs. Doyle’s voice in the background saying: “Ah yah, yah will, yah will, yah will, go on, go on, have another one!”

The Skibbereen Eagle

In 1898, to widespread bemusement, a small Provincial Newspaper in an equally small town in the South West corner of Ireland sonorously warned the Czar of Russia that it knew what he was up to and he should be careful how he proceeded for “The Skibbereen Eagle” was wise to his game and in future would be keeping its eye on him! It is doubtful that Nicholas II, Emperor and Autocrat of All the Russias, even noticed the Eagle’s admonitions but as history soon proved he should have paid closer attention to the Eagle’s insightful opinions!

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